For a partnership, arguments are good. Here’s what you need to remember, to make your relationship stronger.
In love and war, all is equal. Whoever said that could never have been in a long-term relationship, or has no idea that all relationships involve tension. And especially now, when stress levels are already high, it can cause irrevocable harm to adopt a no-holds-barred approach.
However, sweeping the topic under the carpet isn’t the answer. Therapists will reassure you that it is healthy for a relationship to have conflicts. But during and even after a war, it is what you do that decides whether it will build a bigger chasm or get you closer. So, if you are looking for a better and more constructive way to approach the next big argument, here are a few things to bear in mind.
Hit pause on the fight or topic
Say you fail to run an errand that you were asked to do by your wife, and the argument escalates into a major battle that makes you furious or causes you to shut down. Next time, opt for an alternate solution. In listening to something and responding to it, there is a big difference. Couples who fight productively know what will happen when they react,” says Dr. Vishal Ganar, Navi Mumbai’s best psychologist.” So, they take a step back, choosing at a time when they are calmer to deal with the issue. The pause allows them time to gather their thoughts and solve the issue without turning it into a war.
Stay in the present don’t take out past issues
Your partner says a hurtful thing. For this, he or she apologizes. Forgive yourself, just don’t forget. The next time you two get into an argument, you commit that incident to memory and bring it up.
Watch for those non-verbal cues (Body language says a lot)
You may feel like you are getting your point across with eye-rolling, sighing, dramatic hand gestures, or offensive posturing, but they have the opposite effect on your partner. “Without words, so much can be said. When couples fight, body language plays a crucial role. For instance, the signal you send when you roll your eyes in the middle of an argument is that your partner doesn’t deserve to be heard. The problem can be exacerbated by this subtle action. So make sure your acts reflect how you really feel,’ says Dr. Vishal Ganar, a psychologist based in Navi Mumbai.
Control your ego, it won’t help you in any manner.
In a partnership, the ego is always the third wheel. It causes long-lasting harm as it rears its ugly head. Dr. Vishal Ganar, a Navi Mumbai-based psychologist, says this technique benefits couples in the long run as the time they would otherwise have spent sulking or resenting each other is used to enjoy the company of each other. Since one or both partners bring ego in between, most disputes drag on. But what it leads to is resentment and needless tension.
Don’t run from a fight, Facing will give you long term benefits
Image perfect is no partnership. If you and your partner aren’t fighting, that doesn’t mean it’s all hunky-dory. “When couples start avoiding disputes or stop having disagreements, I worry. “It demonstrates that there is indifference,” says Dr. Vishal Ganar, a psychologist based in Mumbai. Fighting (as long as it is not toxic) indicates that what your partner feels is still important to you. It also means that you are all right to let each other know where you are standing. It may be a symbol of a relationship that is good and equitable.
Heed the team spirit
Healthy couples never let one another forget that they are a team, no matter how heated a disagreement gets. This is a vital lesson in life, especially when children are involved.
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Give your partner a Benefit of doubt
People don’t believe in a stable relationship that their partner is intentionally out to harm or ignore them only because they express a concern.
Tips to do it right
Pick the right time: Discuss the problem when you don’t have to deal with distractions.
Call for timeout: Sometimes you aren’t in the right frame of mind to address an issue. Call for timeout and resolve to tackle the problem later.
Listen: Solving a conflict means having to listen to the other person, without interrupting.
Apologize right: Some need grand gestures, others just want to hear the words ‘I’m sorry’. Apologize in a manner that works for your partner.
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